I am tired. I realised this as I was having lunch with a friend. She pointed it out.
And I told her, “I am still scared.”
Today, Twizzlers came from the parents. And she said, “at least there were Twizzlers.” I shared them with joy.
And yesterday, I drank deeply of a cappuccino.
But whats weird? I am still happy. I am not falling into a pit of despair.
I am at a place where my happiness isn’t based on circumstance but rather purpose.
I have found my purpose, my calling. And there are moments when I laugh, and forget the fear and remember the purpose. It’s what drives me.
The fear? It’s not taking over. I mean, it’s there… at the pit of my stomach, the edges of my subconscious. But I push forward by admitting the fear – I loudly acknowledge it. And then I laugh over dinner with friends; warm fires with wine. And I purposely get through my list of tasks. Happily knowing that this isn’t my forever, and that today I can trust that my purpose is bigger than my fear.