I loudly acknowledge it

I am tired. I realised this as I was having lunch with a friend. She pointed it out.

And I told her, “I am still scared.”

Today, Twizzlers came from the parents. And she said, “at least there were Twizzlers.” I shared them with joy.

And yesterday, I drank deeply of a cappuccino.

I grasp at the things that are keeping me present.

But whats weird? I am still happy. I am not falling into a pit of despair.

I am at a place where my happiness  isn’t based on circumstance but rather purpose.

I have found my purpose, my calling. And there are moments when I laugh, and forget the fear and remember the purpose. It’s what drives me.

The fear? It’s not taking over. I mean, it’s there… at the pit of my stomach, the edges of my subconscious. But I push forward by admitting the fear – I loudly acknowledge it. And then I laugh over dinner with friends; warm fires with wine. And I purposely get through my list of tasks. Happily knowing that this isn’t my forever, and that today I can trust that my purpose is bigger than my fear.

 

 

Advertisements

2 comments

  1. Quinn Barreth

    Funny how focus on the goal drives other things to the side, eh? The other things aren’t gone, they are just less … weighty. Paul was right when talked about pressing on the goal and how it helped him lay everything else aside.

    Besides, courage isn’t the absence of fear but the accomplishment of goal in the face of fear.

    You go sistah.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s