Everyone has fear of the unknown, fear of failing, fear certain creepy crawlies…right?
Have I made life decisions based solely on fear?
I’d like to think instead I fabricate assess possible outcomes and then decide major decisions rather than go whole hog and fling oneself into a situation regardless of the outcome. It’s sensible and safe. I take calculated risks (once I didn’t wash my apple before eating it), but let’s be real: my fears get in the way of life.
Some could say this has held me back from getting a degree, getting my driver’s license (yes, it is a red flag – one that I am already aware of, no need to point it out), and probably many other terribly embarrassing pieces of my life that I am sure no one would be interested in.
Regardless of my history I have come to the realization that jumping in and allowing God ALL control is leading a life solely committed and pleasing to Him. Deciding to volunteer, fundraise, and live in Africa was a decision that fear could not be part of.
This past weekend I decided to have a few days of solitude – I thought it would be a good time of just trying to get a handle on all of the craziness of fundraising and moving. I was taking a walk around my neighborhood and the timing of my expected departure date began ringing in my ear. I began panicking right there on the side walk… fear was gripping me. I felt so sure of the two year committment, but at that moment other people’s comments and my own internal fear came crashing in.
It does seem completely ridiculous and crazy. And after I began to breathe again…I realized that I like it that way. It’s shocking, it’s a bit crazy but since dedicating my life to God at the age of six, I truly feel that this decision is finally living up to what being a Christ-follower means.
My goal? Jesus. Obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.